Intensive Care Unit
by Mesita
Summary: In a world where everyone swings the -other- direction, Daisuke is inflicted with the worst disease anyone can have: heterosexuality. His friends are on the case to bring him the one person who can make him normal again: Ken. KenSukeCOMPLETE
1. Not so much of a Prologue

*Intensive Care Unit*  
  
Authoress: Kitzaku  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, or the characters, or... anything really. I don't even own this computer. o-o;  
  
Notes: I was thinking of a way to get Ken in drag and this sort of came into my brain. I played with the idea for a while before it started to actually form a plotline. I thought it was, well, interesting. I mean, this is almost like a 'what-if' story. I mean, homosexuals in my school are repeatedly shoved around and made fun of. Well, what if hetero's were the minority, huh?  
  
Summary: In a world where everyone swings the -other- direction, Daisuke is inflicted with the worst disease anyone can have: heterosexuality. His friends are on the case to bring him the one person who can make him normal again: Ken. KenSuke [shounen ai, minor language]  
  
-------  
  
"Is it bad, doctor?"  
  
"I'm afraid so."  
  
"Will he die?"  
  
"I'm not sure... but his risk at getting AIDS is lower."  
  
Daisuke' mother bit her lip. The smell of iodide and other such disgusting hospital smells numbed her senses lightly, making her feel only one emotion: nervousness. She closed her eyes slowly, allowing herself to take in a deep breath.  
  
"Doctor?"  
  
"Yes, Motomiya-san?"  
  
"... what's AIDS?"  
  
-----AND SO-----  
  
This is the world of Digimon. It's just like your world, and my world. You've all seen it--only everyone is immacuately good-looking and no one ever gets dirty. Tiny little animal-like creatures called Digimon follow these pre-teen children around and can speak their language. Not to mention, the children are all thousands of times smarter than the adults, and coincidentally are stronger-willed and twice as wise.  
  
But one other huge difference inadvertently hangs above the heads of the people in this world.  
  
Everyone is gay.  
  
This is the story of one boy who had a disease so terrible that you can only read about it if you read Inu Yasha. It's not contagious, but rather, people say you are born with it. After extensive therapy, you might be able to overcome this disease, but once you have it--you are doomed to internet porn, co-ed PE and Mary-Sue's.  
  
And our poor Daisuke Motomiya is plagued with this such disease.  
  
-----*-----  
  
Daisuke Motomiya was in a hospital bed, surrounded by 'Get Well' cards, 'Get Swell' cards, flowers, teddy bears, rainbows, condoms, anything that would cheer him up, or even try to heal his affliction. He was asleep by his normal standards. Those included one leg dangling off the hospital bed, and him snoring rather loudly.  
  
His mother and the doctor were outside talking about his diagnosis--him being completely unawares as to his affliction, the poor kid. After a few moments, his mother came in. Her face was tear-stained and her eyes were puffy and red. She sighed lightly, heading over to the hospital bed. Pausing for a moment, to gaze at her son's face, she picked up his dangling leg and put it back on the bed.  
  
The doctor came in after her, placing one hand on her shoulder. "He'll be just fine. I see from his..." he eyed around the room, his eyes lingering on the condoms for a moment, "presents, that his friends are all worried about him. I'll recommend some good psychiatrists to you and we'll prescribe something. This case is quite common."  
  
Daisuke's mother nodded quietly, still looking down on her son. "It's just that... his older sister has it too--and she was happy and wouldn't take the therapy like I asked. I'm afraid my little boy will do the same."  
  
"Ma'am." The Doctor sighed. "He's still young, there's no telling what may happen."  
  
With his arm still around her shoulder, the doctor walked Daisuke's mother from the room. With the door shut, anybody who was interested, could take the spreadsheet hanging on the door to see who the patient was, and why they were in the clinic. The spreadsheet read:  
  
Daisuke Motomiya Age: 15 Affliction: Straight  
  
---*---  
  
"He's WHAT?!" Taichi spit out the peas he was eating--only it was in an interesting matter, in that they had each shot out individually like a mini- dart gun.  
  
"He's straight." Hikari sighed, looking down at her dinner plate. "Takeru told me a few hours ago. He'd gotten a phone call from Daisuke's mother because she couldn't find Ken's."  
  
The two of them were sitting at the Yagami residence's kitchen table eating like civilized a brother and sister--minus of course, the neat line of peas down the center of the table as a divider. Thank you, Taichi.  
  
"I'm worried for the poor guy..." Taichi pushed around a few uneaten peas on his plate. "I mean, what if people at school start to make fun of him?"  
  
"Don't they -already- make fun of him?"  
  
"Yes, but now that he's straight..."  
  
"They don't have to know that, though! Takeru is straight, but everyone thinks he's got some sort of crush on Iori so they leave him alone." Hikari protested.  
  
"We could at least send him a few things," Tai offered. "You know, to get his mind back on track. I think I have a box of you-know's around somewhere..."  
  
"Oh, jeez, Tai. That's disgusting!" Hikari made a face. "But I already took care of it. Takeru and I sent some gifts from all of us."  
  
Taichi leaned back in his chair, his hands relaxing behind his head. "I'm going to call Yamato."  
  
Hikari rolled her eyes. "Don't you always?"  
  
"Yes, but this time it's different."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"We're going to make Daisuke gay, if it's the last thing we do."  
  
-----End Prologue, yo-----  
  
Does this sound like a good idea at ALL, yo? *grumbles* I'm actually supposed to be writing a Hikaru no Go fic, but I'm procrastinating like nobody's business. R&R puh-lease! ^_^ 


	2. Condensed Plot Yay

*Intensive Care Unit*  
  
Authoress: Kitzaku  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own a lot of things. And Digimon is one of them.  
  
Notes: This chapter literally sucks. Suddenly my grand idea doesn't seem so grand anymore. It's like.... ugh. Not to mention, I'm really not proud of this chapter. The scenes seemed funny in my head at first, but as soon as I wrote them down they lost their luster. Ergh. Here's to hoping this will get better with time. I just can't seem to WRITE it that well anymore. It's not Writer's Block it's like... Writer's Stupidity.  
  
About midway through this. I gave up. I couldn't grasp onto the story anymore and I had lost where it was standing. I changed the plotline in another direction and I'll just end the fic with this chapter. -.-; Poobuckets.  
  
-------  
  
"Well, it's a good plan."  
  
"It is?"  
  
"Er, it -could- be..."  
  
"If...?"  
  
"If we actually had a plan."  
  
Pause. "Huh?"  
  
Taichi was hanging off the side of his bed, letting his hair fall upside down towards the ground while he was on the phone with Yamato. Just having gotten done explaining his idea, he needed a second opinion.  
  
"Well," Yamato started. "I'm all for it, I mean, as pig-headed as the kid is, no one wants to face sexual descrimination you know. But -how- do you expect us to pull this whole thing off?"  
  
Tai grinned here. "I was thinking..."  
  
"Are you alright?"  
  
"...yes, I'm alright." Taichi gave off a hint of frustration. When he was actually on a roll, even Yamato's bad jokes annoyed him. "But if we convince Daisuke that Ken likes him, maybe he'll go gay."  
  
"Great idea!" Yamato seemed to beam.  
  
"I know." Taichi beamed back over the receiver. "I amaze even myself sometimes."  
  
"Just one problem."  
  
"Uh-oh."  
  
"What if Daisuke gets totally freaked out and ditches Ken all together? Dumbass."  
  
"Don't call me dumbass."  
  
"I'm sorry, what would you like me to call you?"  
  
Taichi's eyes narrowed, albeit playfully. "Don't make me answer that one."  
  
Yamato paused on the phone for a bit, obviously running a few things over in his mind. "Bringing the train back on the tracks, how about we just find a way to get Daisuke to fall in love with Ken?"  
  
"Alright!" Taichi cheered, then, "But why Ken?"  
  
"Who else?"  
  
"... good point. Ken it is."  
  
--- ---  
  
Not too many hours later, Yamato and Taichi were standing in front of the door to Ken Ichijouji's bathroom. Ken was making some disturbing noises from inside, and all Yamato and Taichi could do was snicker.  
  
Ken's voice was shaking lightly. "I don't see how this idea will work, you guys..."  
  
"The plan is ingenious!" Taichi grinned. "I would know."  
  
"That's what I'm afraid of..." Ken sighed. The doorknob turned slowly, and the two boys stepped out of the way to let Ken out.  
  
He was wearing jeans. Not just any jeans mind you, but a pair of girl's tight jeans that had little leather ties going up the sides. A black, and just as tight blouse seemed to fall perfectly from his already slim shoulders. He even wore a happy little poser double studded belt and... body glitter.  
  
"Ken." Yamato grinned. "If I was straight, I would so rape you."  
  
"That's... comforting." Ken's right eye gave a sort of twitch.  
  
"However, I think the body glitter was a bit much." Yamato continued, trying to shield his eyes from the shining form of Ken in front of him.  
  
"Nah, he's perfect. Daisuke'll love him." Taichi grinned.  
  
Ken beamed, which made the room even brighter. "You think so?"  
  
"I know so." Taichi winked.  
  
Ken smiled softly, slowly getting lost in a fleeting thought. It didn't take him long to get back to earth when he tried to take a step in his preppy poser Converse (c) shoes and promptly came face to face with the rug. Cringing and pulling himself up, he rubbed the side of his face and looked up at Taichi and Yamato. "How is this supposed to make Daisuke fall in love with me? I feel like a... girl."  
  
"Not just any girl." Yamato reminded him. "A giggly preppy punk-music loving general stereotypical modern girl."  
  
Taichi blinked. "What he said."  
  
Ken sighed. "Couldn't you have just put me in a dress and sent me on my way?"  
  
Yamato doubled up. "You WANT to wear a dress?"  
  
Ken stared at him.  
  
"Yeah ok. I'd rather wear one than those creepy shoes. Or that belt." After receiving a rather coded look from Taichi, Yamato briskly changed the subject at hand. "Taichi, describe the plan.  
  
Taichi nodded and assumed a rather dictating position. "Daisuke's supposedly "straight" right? Well, if we dress Ken up like a girl, he will emulate a female and henceforth assuring it that Daisuke will fall in love with him. In a matter of speaking of course. Once we reveal that Ken is really a male, Daisuke should be cured of his heterosexuality and we'll all live happily ever after."  
  
"What language are you speaking Tai?" Ken blinked.  
  
"Koushirou."  
  
"Gotcha. One problem."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Daisuke already -knows- I'm a male. I don't want to lie to him in saying that I'm someone I'm not. And I don't think he'll buy it that I changed gender overnight."  
  
Taichi pouted. "It sounded perfect in my head."  
  
Yamato placed a hand on Taichi's shoulder. "How about this. Ken still dresses like a woman, and uses his girly image to attract Daisuke. His personality should do the rest, right?"  
  
Ken panicked.  
  
Push came to shove and shove came to haul and haul came to kicking Ken's ass out the front door, but Taichi and Yamato managed to get Ken out on the streets and heading to the all-time biggest meeting place for the small straight population of that day:  
  
The Movie Theatre on a Friday night.  
  
A group of girls smothered in makeup stood outside the theatre, each of them talking on their cell phones. To each other. Not too far from them, a group of boys was staring at them intently, while at the same time, trying to beat each other up and grab their balls. Daisuke was no where to be found.  
  
"Where -is- that idiot?" Taichi looked around momentarily.  
  
Ken raised an eyebrow. "Taichi-san, isn't Dai-chan at the hospital... still?"  
  
"Oh yeah..."  
  
"Then why are we here?"  
  
"Because... because..." Taichi scratched his head for a second, trying to remember why he'd dragged both Yamato and Ken halfway across town to this place on it's busiest night of the week. To cut a long story short, he couldn't remember. Go figure--he'd just ask Yamato. "Hey Ya-- Yamato?"  
  
Ken pointed to the group of girls on their cell phones, who were now circling around Yamato like a pack of vultures.  
  
"He's so cute!"  
  
"There's never any cute straight guys anymore."  
  
"Does he have a cell phone?"  
  
"Hey there, what's your sign, cutie?"  
  
"It's 'STOP!'" Taichi ran into the center of the circle and wrapped his arms around Yamato's waist. Ken sweatdropleted in the background as the girls started to latch themselves onto Taichi, trying to shake him off of Yamato, all the while screaming profanities and turning their cellphone's volume up to deafening and blaring them in his ears.  
  
Three black eyes (none of them Yamato's), a half a million scrapes and a good kick in someone's unmentionables later, Taichi, an unscathed Yamato and a still sweatdropleting ghetto fabulous Ken were on their way to the hospital to visit Daisuke.  
  
"Tai, we're here." Yamato said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, 'We're here!'"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I said-"  
  
"You'll have to speak up my ears are still ringing!"  
  
Yamato grinned. "I love you."  
  
Taichi's answer was automatic. "I love you, too."  
  
"You're not deaf, dumbass. Let's go."  
  
And so the three of them marched on into the hospital.  
  
-----  
  
Daisuke awoke to a hideously loud pounding in his head. It wasn't until he opened his eyes that he realized it was Taichi--and he was banging his bed against the wall. Using his mad soccer reflexes, Taichi was flung onto the floor by a kick via Daisuke.  
  
"That's no way to treat your elders!" Taichi pouted from the floor.  
  
Daisuke ignored him and stretched, yawning long and loud. Scratching his stomache, he said in a sleepy voice. "G'morning."  
  
Yamato leaned over the bed and in a mock-nurse voice he sang, "Good morning, sunshine! It's nice to see you up so early."  
  
Daisuke gave him a funny sort of smile, with his eyes half closed. "What time is it?"  
  
"It's 7 at night, dumbass." Taichi was standing up now, he was still rubbing the spot where Daisuke had kicked him.  
  
"7 o'clock already?" Daisuke yawned again. "G'night." He shifted his weight and settled down in the hospital bed.  
  
"Oh, no you don't!" Yamato shook Daisuke awake again. "Someone's here to see you."  
  
"You mean you're not?" The auburn haired soccer player tilted his head.  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why are you here?"  
  
"To make you new shoes. We're elves." Yamato rolled his eyes.  
  
"But I like my shoes." Daisuke wiggled his shoeless toes.  
  
"Will you wake -up-?!" Taichi thunked Daisuke on the head. The younger boy rubbed the forming knot with a tiny tear in his eye, but didn't fight back on the account that he was tired, he was trying to see if Yamato really had pointed ears, and he had -just- gotten a glimpse of Ken.  
  
"MY EYES!"  
  
Three things seemed to have happened at once. Ken went into a state of shock,both Yamato and Taichi lunged for Daisuke, and in an effort to shield his eyes, Daisuke fled under the hospital sheets causing Taichi and Yamato to collide in thin air.  
  
Ken recovered from his state first, "Is that how you treat someone who was worried about you, Dai-chan?"  
  
"Dai-chan?" Daisuke repeated from under the hospital sheets. A face appeared at the foot of the bed. "Ken, is that you?"  
  
Ken nodded.  
  
"You're all sparkly, I can't see you."  
  
"Put on your goggles."  
  
"So that's what they're for!" He did so and blinked a few times, taking the image in.  
  
Silence.  
  
Pause.  
  
Cricket chirp.  
  
"Ken did you get dressed in the dark?"  
  
-----  
  
"Let me get this strai---ah, I mean, figured out." Daisuke slurped up a mouthful of ramen noodles. "You were pressured by Taichi and Yamato to be dressed up like a girl?"  
  
Ken nodded.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because, uh." Ken paused, to watch Daisuke slurp in another mouthful. "They wanted me to cheer you up."  
  
Ken and Daisuke were sitting in a ramen resteraunt the following day. Daisuke had been checked out of the hospital earlier that afternoon and had invited Ken out to eat with him. The former genious had been ecstatic to go out with the idiot considering the tiny predicament two older Chosen Children had set him up with had almost shot down his hopes of ever being able to take part in such an honor.  
  
"Why would I need cheering up?"  
  
"Daisuke, you were in the hospital." Ken reminded him.  
  
"...and?"  
  
"And that's depressing!"  
  
"I didn't seem to mind. Food was nasty, though." Daisuke took another slurp.  
  
"You slept the whole time." Ken muttered. "Aren't you even worried at -all- about what you were diagnosed with?"  
  
"No."  
  
"No?!"  
  
"No." Daisuke repeated. He tried to take another slurp, but realized he'd finished his ramen. He pouted at the empty bowl for a moment before looking up at Ken and smiling. "No one ever told me why I was there."  
  
Ken choked.  
  
Daisuke continued. "I figured I like... accidentally blew up my appendix or something. No biggie."  
  
Ken sighed. "Daisuke, do you want to know why you were there?"  
  
The goggled boy shrugged. "Eh, why not?"  
  
"Daisuke, you're straight did you know that?"  
  
Blink.  
  
"Daisuke?"  
  
"... who said I was straight?"  
  
Ken couldn't even beleive his own ears. He'd stopped beleiving in them as soon as the conversation had started. "The doctor, Daisuke! Stop thinking about food for a MOMENT and listen to me!"  
  
"Alright, alright Ken, I'm listening!"  
  
Ken sighed again. "I know it's hard to grasp, but the doctor diagnosed you with heterosexuality."  
  
Daisuke's reaction threw Ken more off guard than anything possibly could have. He simply snorted. Loudly.  
  
"Why is that so funny?" Ken wrinkled his nose.  
  
"How could I be straight if I've got a crush on you?" Daisuke fell off his chair with laughter.  
  
"Wh...what?"  
  
"Doctor's these days." Daisuke snorted again. "I mean -really-. Me? Straight?"  
  
"Daisuke!" Ken stood up, towering over the laughing boy. He still refused to beleive what both his ears and eyes were telling him. "What did you say?"  
  
"I said a lot of things." Daisuke grinned. His laughter softened to little chuckles here and there.  
  
"No." Ken was slightly frustrated now. Daisuke was being utterly ridiculous. "What did you say about me?"  
  
Daisuke's laughter stopped abruptly. His sudden flash of seriousness startled Ken. He picked himself up off the floor and resituated himself back on the seat. Ken's heart was already beating twice as fast as normal, and the unpredicted behavior didn't help it any. Daisuke spoke softly, in a completely honest tone. "I said: 'How could I be straight if I've got a crush on you?'"  
  
Hearing it a second time around put Ken in a sort of shock. "B-but the doctor, he--"  
  
"Doctor Shmoctor." Daisuke waved it off. "What do -they- know?"  
  
"A lot, apparently."  
  
"Not a not, apparently." Daisuke corrected him. "How's about I get another bowl of ramen. We can share it."  
  
Daisuke's offering to share food settled it. Ken's face lit up just as bright as it was before with all of the body glitter. "It's on me, Dai- chan."  
  
-----  
  
"So my plan was for naught?"  
  
"Mmmhmm."  
  
"I hurt my head for naught?"  
  
"Mmmhmm."  
  
"I was blinded by furocious body glitter for naught?"  
  
"Mmmhmm."  
  
"Yamato?"  
  
"Mmmhmm?"  
  
"What the heck does 'naught' mean?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Yamato?"  
  
"Add a 'y' and I'll show you what it means."  
  
"Y-Yamato!"  
  
-----OWARI-----  
  
Talk about NOT one of my best pieces. I am rather tired, and I've had too much to drink today, and loads of Easter-esque excitement things. Blah. I may come back another day and FIX it. But for now... I'm going to bed. 


End file.
